a diatribe about swimwear

di·a·tribe

Definition of DIATRIBE

1. archaic : a prolonged discourse

2. : a bitter and abusive speech or piece of writing

3. : ironic or satirical criticism

Round One: Matronly Swimwear

Round Two: Innapropriate Swimwear

If neither of these options are acceptable, then what should one in my age bracket wear to water-oriented events? Well, I can tell from first hand experience, the options are limited.

So, when you see me this summer, looking like my grandma, you'll know why. I thought of the the two options--it was the better choice.

Mr. Mailman--could you put a rush on that?

Yes! This beauty is headed my way. I'm sure there'll be a learning curve--but I'm so looking forward to capturing family memories in a gorgeous way.

When you hear the elated cry for joy coming from the downtown region of Saint Joe, you'll know it has arrived.

PS: I can't wait!

How to be a really stupid parent.

I often wonder, while watching parents fail miserably with their children, what could they possibly be thinking?

To aid in your pursuit of becoming the worst possible parent, here are the top eight tips:

1. Discipline your children only when you lose your temper. Let them get away with anything until you're fed up; then, in a spirit of hostility and anger, let 'em have it! Blow your top, holler, get wild, clobber them and really make a brawl out of it. The children will get a bang out of you.
   
2. Don't make yourself approachable, you might have to listen and reason with them. If you get too chummy, they'll want to talk things over with you. And who's got time to waste with kids? You've got more important things to do.
   
3. If they've done wrong, never let them forget it. Keep rubbing it in; they'll loathe you for it. A father was telling me in front of his son about the trouble the boy had gotten into 5 years ago when he was 13. The boy was ashamed and disgusted. When the father went to answer the phone, the son said in an undertone, "He makes me sick." I felt like saying, "Me, too."
   
4. Give your child all the spending money he wants; don't make him earn it. Money in large quantities is an acceptable substitute for love. After awhile he'll want only your money and couldn't care less about you. It's something like starving him on cream puffs.
   
5. Compare your child with someone else to make him smarten up. Use that beautiful expression, "Why can't you be like Johnny?" He'll despise you and Johnny both!
   
6. Mother and father should disagree in regard to the rules for their youngsters. Children will then learn to play one parent against the other.
   
7. Never let the kids think for themselves. They haven't the equipment. (The reason may be in their heredity or environment). Make all the decisions for them so they'll never be able to handle life.
   
8. Treat them with suspicion. Never trust the sneaky little characters.

At first read, each of these 'suggestions' seems so obvious and harmful--yet, I have seen each of these 'tactics' play out more times than I care to count. It is especially difficult when you see the consequence of inconsistent discipline displayed within a child's personality (and harder still, a child who you love deeply).

So easy to find a concrete list of the things to do to scar you kids--yet so difficult to find a comprehensive list of the RIGHT things to do. I'm so grateful I don't have to navigate the parenting world alone--having both a supportive spouse and a faithful God.

Spring has Sprung (?)

I don't need any toys if you'll just let me keep this stick.

Seriously. I love this stick.

Yes, it IS because all items nature related have been buried under 4ft of snow

Just me & my stick. What more could a girl want?

Someone should have warned me about the 'clothes picking out' stage. (Julie U, if you're reading this--you DID warn me) When it comes time to get dressed in the morning, Schaeffer has taken to selecting her own wardrobe for the day.

Sometimes the stars align. Sometimes not so much. Today was a good day.

My Mini-Me

Wait, whose sunglasses are those?

Is there any question to whom she belongs?

There's no denying Schaeffer Jo's DNA. In times like this one, where she looks adorable and is well behaved--I'm so tickled. In times when her bad behavior so closely resembles my own--ugh.

But, we sure do have fun.

Dancing the day away with G.G. Jean

Dancing, dancing, dancing!

Jammin' with G.G.

Schaeffer and I treasure our time spent with GG--we love dancing to SJ's piano 'music'. If this doesn't put a smile on your face--I don't know what will.

Penguin Parade!

"we're going on a penguin parade...a penguin parade"

Enjoy this movie clip from Schaeffer's recent penguin parade at preschool. She had so much fun dressing 'as a penguin' in black and white & teaching her classmates how to waddle like a penguin.

The case of the missing keys

This is a sad tale.

The story begins with a happy family having lunch together. Daddy, Momma and daughter enjoy spending time together, laugh together and eat cheeseburgers. Lunch ends and the family is ready to go their separate ways.

Here's where the problem begins--Momma can't find her keys. And, Daddy needs to get back to work. And, her entire family is standing (impatiently) out in the cold. While she scours her LARGE handbag.

After giving the handbag the twice-over, Mamma decides the keys are nowhere to be found. Momma asks Daddy what she should do? Go back into Culver's he says. She does.

The next 15 minutes are spent searching high and low--to no avail. Momma knew the only thing to do was to stop and pray.

Momma couldn't imagine that her perfect baby girl would put her keys in the bathroom trash can. However, after digging done by a most-helpful Culver's employee, a certain little girl has been properly taught to NEVER trash her Momma's keys again.

Wednesday, shmenes-day.

crocodile tears

big tear rolling down her cheek

justice restored with addition of princess hat

there's my happy girl!

Our crazy-paced life has caught up with us--today. It seems like all the laundry that has been spewing out of our suitcases, all the Valentine mumbojumbo, and the overload of winter clothing has come to a head in our main living spaces.

Schaeffer and I were thankful to have a day at home spent getting things back into shape. SJ went down for resty time with the promise that we'd make chocolate chip cookies for daddy when she woke up.

This is what I found a few minutes later: Schaeffer in dress up clothes--and crying.

Schaeffer & Tobi's snow day

Going on an adventure!

Snow, snow, and more snow!

Schaeffer Jo stopping for a 'taste'

Schaeffer and Tobi ventured out to see just how much snow MeMa Laurie and Papa Al had gotten. With nearly 3-1/2 feet of snow on the ground, the banks towered over both kids.

Key Lime Cove!

Schaeffer-bean having a blast on the slides

All smiles

Happy Family

"Come on MeMa!"

She's ready to head for the pool

Schaeffer & MeMa Debbie on the slide

We gave MeMa Debbie and Papa Doug a weekend together at the Key Lime Cove waterpark for Christmas, and got to enjoy sweet time together and make treasured memories splashing up a storm.

In Schaeffer's words, "we can't wait to go back again and again!".

Ok, so it's been a month.

Actually a month and three days. Sorry.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I've got pictures to share and stories to tell. Moving on.

Carousel day with Schaeffer Jo and Ellee

Beautiful Girls